Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
