please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
