separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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