I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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