Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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