John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
