We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
