guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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