come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
so much tequila, so little girl.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
