it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
