I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
