me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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