A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
...so i touched it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
