like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
