I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
