I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
