I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
