Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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