Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
