What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
