Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
