I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
