i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
