to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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