3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
