Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You made out with two different species that night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
