This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
