Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
