I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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