i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
