and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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