He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
