I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
