i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
