Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
