Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
