I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
