Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
