Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
