somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
