they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
