You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm at about main and main street
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
