I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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