please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
