is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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