Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize