Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
