Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
