You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
