And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
