Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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