a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
honey bunches of taint.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize