I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
