THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
