Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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