I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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