she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
