dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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