pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
