Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize