And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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