I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
