he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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