My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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