DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
