Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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