I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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