Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
