My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
