I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
