I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We got so high we made milksteak
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
