Ambien. No doubt about it.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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