i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
