So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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