this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
