wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just had sex bonerless
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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