Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
