I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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