What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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