Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
