you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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