Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize