Having a random hookup so left but love u
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
