My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
