Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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