Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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