i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
