This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
