I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
