420 ftw
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
