I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
