Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
