My first STD was from a foam party
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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