It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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