even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize