i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We have started to decorate penises.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
