Life is so much better after having sex.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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