I cannot find my penis.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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