She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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