just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
