hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
