Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
