Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
