I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I donโt think I can face reality until Wednesday
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ๐๐#pensacolaproblems
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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