You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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