we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
