BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
