when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
