Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
