He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
