party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
