Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
