I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize