Sry I called you an 8
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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