Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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